Friday, September 4, 2009

Victoria Wood - Pam - Includes Lyrics

An absolutely brilliantly written and performed song by the genious that is Victoria Wood. There's only audio on this one, but I've included the lyrics below for you to sing along!


Can I tell you who I am
I'm Pamela Particia but they call me Pam
I don't like shorts or sling back shoes
My only pair of trousers are my gardening trews
I don't say who, I do say whom
I never use the toilet, just the smallest room
I don't say gay I still say queer
I think that Mussolini had the right idea

Got engaged in '62
Got married in the April in a nice pale blue
It all turned sour to say the least
I was stuck in Abergele with a sex crazed beast
Our wedding night I heard a cough
There was Harold in the doorway with his 'jamas off
I said now look I must be blunt
I couldn't give a begger on the whole sex front
Not me, not my scene
I prefer a game of rummy and an ovaltine
Harold dear, now do get dressed
I've seen one in a book and I was not impressed

Once divorced I lived alone
Then I chummed up with a woman by the name of Joan
She moved in, she seemed quite nice
Wore army boots and braces but I didn't think twice
Then one night she seemed upset
I said, are you not happy in my maisonette?
she drained her rum and babysham
Ran her fingers through her crew cut, said I love you Pam
I didn't faint, I didn't scream
Just carried on demolishing my custard cream
She said please come upstairs with me
Let me show you just how wonderful a love can be
I said alright, but don't be late
There's a thing by Alan Bennet on at half past eight
So up we go and off she went
But all I seemed to think about was Stoke-on-Trent
Not me, it didn't gel
I prefer a cup of cocoa and a Ruth Rendell
Joan dear, do get dressed
No woman over forty suits a mauve string vest

Then last year to beat the blues
I booked myself a cabin on a ten day cruise
So much to do, so much to see
With a load of single women who looked just like me
Then one night I clicked like that
With a batchelor called Billy in a golfing hat
We were so happy hand in hand
Listening to a lecture on the prostate gland

I told him sex had been no go
He took it as a challange and we went below
We kissed and hugged without delay
He tried to take my rainhood off I said, no way
He said, I bet you ten whole pounds
I bet you'll have an orgasm while I'm around
He got stuck in he really tried
But I only felt a tremor down my left hand side
Not me, that's my boast
I prefer a bit of ironing and a round of toast
Bill dear, do get dressed
But he just fell over moaning as he clutched his chest
He went Arrrggh
(It was that type of sound)

Bill was dead, he died for me
They took him on a stretcher as I drank my tea
But as I poured another cup
I thought, I've never had that orgasm, I'm ten quid up!


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is the tune to the song Pam, is it a nursery rhyme?

July 21, 2010 at 7:32 PM  

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